Assignment: What is life like in a fish tank?
So, I belly up to the Sand Bar like I always do when the light begins to settle down through the Great Tommy’s blinds. I order my usual Herring Wallbanger with a twist of brine and try to make sense of my life.
I drink to forget my evil twin. The one who always lurks at the edge of the glass, pretending not to meet my gaze with his big bulbous eyes, man is he ugly! Curse him and his ghastly visage. Who does he think he is?
One more drink as I try to set my mind to the larger questions in life. Like, is there life after the great swirl? Why do some scalers go belly up and others float on? Oh, who am kidding? I’m just looking for some tail to chase.
Bubbles was looking good a little earlier today, but that massive turd that’s been trailing out her back side since noon is a little disturbing. Its not that I’m coy or anything, but... yick! Use the aerator for Tom’s sake.
Ah, here he comes; Angelo, my buddy. He’s kind of a froofie in the looks department, but the soul of a bottom feeder. Drinks for both of us!
Tonight we need a plan. I suspect that our plan will involve snagging the food as it floats – it’s what we usually do. Don’t get me wrong, when we were younger and we would grab grub on the surface, but I can’t do that anymore, the gas that causes at my age! You know the old saying, “he who burped and darted really just lied and farted.”
Any-hoo probably grab some grub on the drop and then suck some rocks. There is some new gravel over by the diver I’ve been meaning to sample. Maybe if I see my twin I will give him a nasty head butt – then maybe he’ll swim off, the lousy algae-eating clam-tard! I need another drink.
Whoo! What a great plan! I can’t remember what we did last night, but that sounds like a great plan. Where’d my drink go?
-Brihack
Friday, June 22, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Changing Mind
by Marcy
You have been given the power to change one thing in the world. What is it, and what are the ramifications?
Change.
The word emboldens some, strikes fear into others. Change is as inevitable as death, which in itself is a change. There is no escaping change, though you can change change thanks to free will. Change is equal opportunity – everyone can make it, no-one can escape it. Change is a stalker, a constant companion, a catalyst, and a destroyer. Change brings new life, new discoveries, new disaster. Change is fair, balanced, cruel and kind. Change is everything, and is human, and is life, and is death.
They tell me I have the power to change one thing in the world. As a human being I have always had the power to change many things, even before they bestowed this on me. But they’ve given me more power – enhanced power. With this power I could stop wars. I could end hunger and poverty. I could change the foundations of the church – any church. I could change history, reverse global warming, make it so the holocaust and inquisitions never happened. But I can only do one of these. They’ve only given me the power to make one big change. What would you change, with ultimate power?
And if I made that one big change, what would come of it? Millions of little changes, none of which guaranteeing the original change I’ve made will stay changed. I could throw a boulder into a stream and alter its course, but the water will still flow. Was their experiment on me so that they could see the grandiose result, or did they simply to see what I would change? The power has paralyzed my mind – of course I should be philanthropic, humanitarian. Of course I should help - the good of the many outweighs the good of the one. But what good will I do?
I take the choice very seriously. I have pondered it for years. I have seen horrors in this world, global, national, personal. Would I change any of them? What should I change? This choice is too much for a human to bear. This choice should belong to the universe, the Great Spirit, The Goddess, God, whoever is in charge, not me.
What would I change, if I could change one thing?
I wait, and I weigh my choice, and when I one day reach a decision, I hope it will be a wise choice. Becuase after I choose, I can't change my mind. That's the one thing I can't change.
You have been given the power to change one thing in the world. What is it, and what are the ramifications?
Change.
The word emboldens some, strikes fear into others. Change is as inevitable as death, which in itself is a change. There is no escaping change, though you can change change thanks to free will. Change is equal opportunity – everyone can make it, no-one can escape it. Change is a stalker, a constant companion, a catalyst, and a destroyer. Change brings new life, new discoveries, new disaster. Change is fair, balanced, cruel and kind. Change is everything, and is human, and is life, and is death.
They tell me I have the power to change one thing in the world. As a human being I have always had the power to change many things, even before they bestowed this on me. But they’ve given me more power – enhanced power. With this power I could stop wars. I could end hunger and poverty. I could change the foundations of the church – any church. I could change history, reverse global warming, make it so the holocaust and inquisitions never happened. But I can only do one of these. They’ve only given me the power to make one big change. What would you change, with ultimate power?
And if I made that one big change, what would come of it? Millions of little changes, none of which guaranteeing the original change I’ve made will stay changed. I could throw a boulder into a stream and alter its course, but the water will still flow. Was their experiment on me so that they could see the grandiose result, or did they simply to see what I would change? The power has paralyzed my mind – of course I should be philanthropic, humanitarian. Of course I should help - the good of the many outweighs the good of the one. But what good will I do?
I take the choice very seriously. I have pondered it for years. I have seen horrors in this world, global, national, personal. Would I change any of them? What should I change? This choice is too much for a human to bear. This choice should belong to the universe, the Great Spirit, The Goddess, God, whoever is in charge, not me.
What would I change, if I could change one thing?
I wait, and I weigh my choice, and when I one day reach a decision, I hope it will be a wise choice. Becuase after I choose, I can't change my mind. That's the one thing I can't change.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Friday Afternoon
by Steve Mast
I’m starting to tense up again, just thinking about it. “Do me a favor, hun,” she had said, last week, as if adding “hun” automatically nullified the crap she was about to dump on me. “Next week when you do that report, could ya add some graphs? Bar graphs, not pie. I’ve always hated pie graphs. They make me hungry. Some nice bar graphs. Reading all those numbers without graphs gives me a headache.”
“Sure, hun” I had answered. It was either that or Atilla, which probably would have gotten me into trouble.
Graphs? Damnit all, I wasn’t her damn secretary. I was a salesman, and it was my sales that let her buy that damn BMW she’s started driving. A bright red sporty car. Her husband had drawn flames on the side. Dark puke-green things that looked like they were drawn in crayon.
So what had started as a simple sales summary had turned into a massive company-encompassing project detailing every sales detail for the past year, and now she wanted charts! I was already going on hour six of putting this thing together and I figured I had at least a few more before I’d be done.
But fuming about the problem and wishing pain and suffering on my boss wasn’t going to get the report done. Instead I looked out the window to imagine myself going home. Good ol’ “Atilla” had gone to lunch hours ago and had never come back. She was probably at home with a beer in hand. Damn her anyway!
Never mind – I guess she wasn’t at home cause as I looked out I saw her car zooming up the street back toward work. She seemed to be going a bit fast and I wondered if it was too much car for her to handle.
Apparently it was, as she hit a bump, veered to the right, and planted her car, and herself, directly into a parked car.
Startled, I jumped up out of my seat and wondered briefly if she was all right. It was only briefly because one, or perhaps both, of the cars burst into a huge fireball.
I gasped and was flooded with questions. What should I do? Should I feel bad cause I was just thinking bad thoughts about her? Should I feel sorry that she was gone?
I sat down again and looked at my screen. The report glared back at me, menacing. I grinned back. Turning off the computer I decided it was time to go home and have that beer after all.
I’m starting to tense up again, just thinking about it. “Do me a favor, hun,” she had said, last week, as if adding “hun” automatically nullified the crap she was about to dump on me. “Next week when you do that report, could ya add some graphs? Bar graphs, not pie. I’ve always hated pie graphs. They make me hungry. Some nice bar graphs. Reading all those numbers without graphs gives me a headache.”
“Sure, hun” I had answered. It was either that or Atilla, which probably would have gotten me into trouble.
Graphs? Damnit all, I wasn’t her damn secretary. I was a salesman, and it was my sales that let her buy that damn BMW she’s started driving. A bright red sporty car. Her husband had drawn flames on the side. Dark puke-green things that looked like they were drawn in crayon.
So what had started as a simple sales summary had turned into a massive company-encompassing project detailing every sales detail for the past year, and now she wanted charts! I was already going on hour six of putting this thing together and I figured I had at least a few more before I’d be done.
But fuming about the problem and wishing pain and suffering on my boss wasn’t going to get the report done. Instead I looked out the window to imagine myself going home. Good ol’ “Atilla” had gone to lunch hours ago and had never come back. She was probably at home with a beer in hand. Damn her anyway!
Never mind – I guess she wasn’t at home cause as I looked out I saw her car zooming up the street back toward work. She seemed to be going a bit fast and I wondered if it was too much car for her to handle.
Apparently it was, as she hit a bump, veered to the right, and planted her car, and herself, directly into a parked car.
Startled, I jumped up out of my seat and wondered briefly if she was all right. It was only briefly because one, or perhaps both, of the cars burst into a huge fireball.
I gasped and was flooded with questions. What should I do? Should I feel bad cause I was just thinking bad thoughts about her? Should I feel sorry that she was gone?
I sat down again and looked at my screen. The report glared back at me, menacing. I grinned back. Turning off the computer I decided it was time to go home and have that beer after all.
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Greetings, Hack Fans!
(A note from your friendly neighborhood Marcy)
The Hacks are back after a brief lapse. It's been busy for everyone here in Hackdom, and with summer approaching, who knows how much we'll get written ... Hack Summers tend to involve us northeasterners getting out into the sun and air as much as we can before the snow returns. But we'll put up a valliant attempt to get words on the blog nonetheless, so stay tuned.
To quote one of my favorite writers, Brian Arnold:
"Write on!"
The Hacks are back after a brief lapse. It's been busy for everyone here in Hackdom, and with summer approaching, who knows how much we'll get written ... Hack Summers tend to involve us northeasterners getting out into the sun and air as much as we can before the snow returns. But we'll put up a valliant attempt to get words on the blog nonetheless, so stay tuned.
To quote one of my favorite writers, Brian Arnold:
"Write on!"
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Surprise report
by Bryan
Her Royal Highness, at 0800 hours our time this morning, a warship in the gulf reported a ball of fire hit the southern zone of Abu Dhabi.
How do I confirm the worst? The absolute worst. The kind of thing we laugh about in strategy meetings, when there's that one general in the corner who's the only one not laughing. I wish I'd listened to him.
Have to be strong. Can't let emotion interfere here. I was prepared when we went to war. Hell, I could have handled the second coming of the Dark Ages. God I don't want to go out like this. Not like this.
HMS Surprise deployed at 0802 on 4 January, YOL 1809; first report at 0922.
Capt. S. Aubrey writes: "Bosun's watch first reported; given orders at 0830 sailed north to Persia from east Africa. Officer on deck reported seeing flash, Ship's Crew all report seeing fireball falling from sky. Some report dark center, as if large object was on fire. Did not report seeing impact.
My House will not fall. It will be remembered for getting us out of this. We will do what needs to be done. But how?
Upon investigation Capt. Aubrey reports a large Engine, made of a metal he nor his crew have seen, created a crater on coast. At 40 metres out engine stirred, and 'stood up,' according to Capt. Aubrey.
NEXT PAGE FOR QUEEN'S EYES ONLY
And here we come to it. I wouldn't have believed it myself, though my advisers needed more convincing. Aubrey's one of the best men in the admiralty, but his report left even his staunchest supporters questioning the man.
It was then that the engine stood on two legs. It had two arms, and what appeared to be a head that "looked" at the crew before bending over and "transforming" into what appeared to Capt. Aubrey and his crew as the HMS Surprise.
And now, well, now no one needs his report. Now they need me more than ever. They need to know why the unmanned HMS Surprise is here, on the Thames, changing into a giant man and walking toward the House of Lords.
Her Royal Highness, at 0800 hours our time this morning, a warship in the gulf reported a ball of fire hit the southern zone of Abu Dhabi.
How do I confirm the worst? The absolute worst. The kind of thing we laugh about in strategy meetings, when there's that one general in the corner who's the only one not laughing. I wish I'd listened to him.
Have to be strong. Can't let emotion interfere here. I was prepared when we went to war. Hell, I could have handled the second coming of the Dark Ages. God I don't want to go out like this. Not like this.
HMS Surprise deployed at 0802 on 4 January, YOL 1809; first report at 0922.
Capt. S. Aubrey writes: "Bosun's watch first reported; given orders at 0830 sailed north to Persia from east Africa. Officer on deck reported seeing flash, Ship's Crew all report seeing fireball falling from sky. Some report dark center, as if large object was on fire. Did not report seeing impact.
My House will not fall. It will be remembered for getting us out of this. We will do what needs to be done. But how?
Upon investigation Capt. Aubrey reports a large Engine, made of a metal he nor his crew have seen, created a crater on coast. At 40 metres out engine stirred, and 'stood up,' according to Capt. Aubrey.
NEXT PAGE FOR QUEEN'S EYES ONLY
And here we come to it. I wouldn't have believed it myself, though my advisers needed more convincing. Aubrey's one of the best men in the admiralty, but his report left even his staunchest supporters questioning the man.
It was then that the engine stood on two legs. It had two arms, and what appeared to be a head that "looked" at the crew before bending over and "transforming" into what appeared to Capt. Aubrey and his crew as the HMS Surprise.
And now, well, now no one needs his report. Now they need me more than ever. They need to know why the unmanned HMS Surprise is here, on the Thames, changing into a giant man and walking toward the House of Lords.
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