No-Talent Hacks

Fly 007

Have you heard the latest buzz? He’s back! The Lord of the Flies, agent double-Oh-Wingus himself, Ormia Ochracea. As we catch up with our hero he clings precariously to a wall, listening in on the delicate negotiations between the Umboogoo tribe of lower Drekthia and the lung people from the planet sneeze. Apparently the Sneezians have great need of the special leaves grown only in the Drekthians coastal regions. The Drekthians are happy to trade their leaves; they just think that the Lungians are rude and hostile. To the Umboogoo wheezing is a sign of disrespect, similar to probing the inner lining of your nose in public or drinking from a stranger’s mocha-chino. Lungians sound like they are wheezing all the time, its just what happens when most of your body is composed on lung. Needless to say, negotiations are tense.

Man, I would kill for stucco, and I can, I have the license. Not on me, it’s too big, but at home I have a license to kill and I would totally use it right now… Good old irregular stucco, you don’t even have to cling to it, you just find a nice spot and settle in, but no… these negotiations always take place in rooms walled with smooth marble or a ba-zillion mirrors. Even some knotted pine would be OK. When I was a maggot we lived in some knotted pine, good stuff. It’s still decorative, yet easy to cling to. No one is impressed by marble and mirrors any more. Oh, crap, I’m slipping. What were they saying down there?

Tune in next week when we find out the thrilling conclusion to the adventures of our favorite fly guy. Will he learn the critical information? Will he be spotted? Will he find a rough surface which is easier to adhere to? Will we see the return of his arch nemesis Archibald C. Swatter? Stay tuned!

-BriHack