Friday, June 22, 2007

Getting Tanked

Assignment: What is life like in a fish tank?

So, I belly up to the Sand Bar like I always do when the light begins to settle down through the Great Tommy’s blinds. I order my usual Herring Wallbanger with a twist of brine and try to make sense of my life.

I drink to forget my evil twin. The one who always lurks at the edge of the glass, pretending not to meet my gaze with his big bulbous eyes, man is he ugly! Curse him and his ghastly visage. Who does he think he is?

One more drink as I try to set my mind to the larger questions in life. Like, is there life after the great swirl? Why do some scalers go belly up and others float on? Oh, who am kidding? I’m just looking for some tail to chase.

Bubbles was looking good a little earlier today, but that massive turd that’s been trailing out her back side since noon is a little disturbing. Its not that I’m coy or anything, but... yick! Use the aerator for Tom’s sake.

Ah, here he comes; Angelo, my buddy. He’s kind of a froofie in the looks department, but the soul of a bottom feeder. Drinks for both of us!

Tonight we need a plan. I suspect that our plan will involve snagging the food as it floats – it’s what we usually do. Don’t get me wrong, when we were younger and we would grab grub on the surface, but I can’t do that anymore, the gas that causes at my age! You know the old saying, “he who burped and darted really just lied and farted.”

Any-hoo probably grab some grub on the drop and then suck some rocks. There is some new gravel over by the diver I’ve been meaning to sample. Maybe if I see my twin I will give him a nasty head butt – then maybe he’ll swim off, the lousy algae-eating clam-tard! I need another drink.

Whoo! What a great plan! I can’t remember what we did last night, but that sounds like a great plan. Where’d my drink go?

-Brihack

1 comment:

Marcy L. Dewey said...

BRILLIANT!! I love the part about "grabbing some grub on the drop and then suck some rocks." Why DO they suck on the rocks?!? I always thought living in a fish tank would be total dullsville but you make it sound fun!!