To: Polyports Corporate office – Terran Industries division
From: One pissed off Mutha F****-er
Hey you big genital lesions, you suck! I would come down there and rearrange your face right now but I can’t, you know why? ‘cause my teleporter don’t work for shit and my face got rearranged. My nose is upside down you worthless sons of rats. It rained yesterday and I nearly drowned!
One of my eyes is in the back of my head and I wake up every morning with a black eye. I can’t see in 3D any more you spawn of the oozing pus from a diseased yak scrotum!
If I ever get my hands on you I am going to do to you what you did to my dog. The front half of him juts out of the front of my house and the back half of him sticks out into the living room. That’s the wrong end facing inside, let me tell you and he barks at the neighbors all day long. I have to tear down my house to get him out!
You sons of a motherless goat deserve to die. I tried to get to one of your stores on Io, but you need a teleporter to get there! How can you sell a product like this which does not work? Don’t send me a new one, come here and fix all of your mistakes! Then when you are done I am going to teleport a big steaming pile of massive Nerf poop into your intestines and watch you squirm!
You are the embodiment of evil.
You deserve to die.